David Cassidy on the Web
Maintaining a Masculine Matrix
Be it funny ha-ha or funny peculiar, the real and imagined peccadilloes of Hollywood dudes will always have the capacity to light the gossip mill on fire.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
By FilmStew Staff
www.filmstew.com
Ah, male celebrities and sexuality. It's one of the most fertile chatter crossroads this side of Lindsay Lohan and a red velvet rope. With the he's-now-a-girl, no-wait-he's-still-a-guy business about filmmaker Larry Wachowski blessedly cleared up today by Fox News columnist Roger Friedman, it's time to revisit some of our favorite Dirk Diggler Doozies.
To quote - and minorly paraphrase - Morpheus from the Wachowskis' famous sci-fi trilogy franchise: 'The [gossip] Matrix is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.'
5) David Cassidy's revelations earlier this year in his autobiography Could It Be Forever? gave new meaning to the Partridge Family oldie, "C'mon, Get Happy." "I've always been very comfortable with my sexuality and my brothers call me Donk, as in Donkey," he writes. "People have talked about me being 'blessed' in my physique. The first time [I met Gina Lollobrigida] she looked me up and down and said, 'I hear you're a monster. I want to meet the monster.'"
4) Supermodel turned train wreck Janice Dickinson spilled a lot of bedside beans in her recent autobiography No Lifeguard on Duty, but perhaps none was more memorable than this passage about actor Liam Neeson. 'He peeled off his pants and an Evian bottle popped out," she wrote. If that quote hasn't yet been turned into an amateur YouTube commercial parody for the French export, it should be.
3) Ahead of Neeson, David Duchovny, James Woods and other alleged hard-carrying A-list members will always be the one and only Milton Berle. Mr. Television was also apparently Mr. Wi-Fi, and all of it was brought home at his 2002 Friar's Club roast slash wake. As MC Freddie Roman put it, 'We are here to honor Milton Berle, who passed away on March 27th. On May 1st and May 2nd, his penis will be buried.'
2) In terms of surprising phallic sources, Dame Judi Dench is at the very opposite end of say someone like Tommy Lee brazenly piloting a small yacht off the Malibu coast. And yet there she was, not so long ago, hyping Casino Royale by raving about Daniel Craig's secret weapon to a UK tabloid. 'It's an absolute monster,' she exclaimed while recalling a costume change glimpse gleaned. 'Maybe I shouldn't have said that. How uncouth of me!'
1) About six years after Kitty Kelley's revelation in her unauthorized biography of Nancy Reagan that back in the day, Ms. Davis was "renowned in Hollywood for performing oral sex," the humdinger of I'll-show-you-mine moments occurred at a 1998 William Morris Agency Oscar party. We're talking of course about then-New Line Cinema executive Michael De Luca's brazen decision to let a woman service him in a similar fashion in full back yard view of other guests. It's right up there with Berle showing his manhood to Saturday Night Live writer Allen Zweibel by way of casual confirmation during one of the rehearsals for his April 14th, 1979 guest hosting gig.
